Monday, November 28, 2011

False Advertising

Trying to get back on this blogging grind. What better way to start my grind with a post on my biggest dating pet peeve...False Advertising.

Dating is already a tough job. It's like going on interviews and interviewing every weekend. As I go on these dates, I have to determine along the way whether what she is telling me is fact or fiction. The process is exhausting. The last thing I want to worry about is determining whether the woman I'm taking out on a date is "real". When I say "real", I mean what parts of her physical appearance are actually real. Don't laugh. I'm serious.

I don't know if her hair is real or she's wearing extensions. I don't know if her body shape is real or she's wearing Spanx. I don't know if her eyelashes are real or she's wearing false lashes. I don't know if her breasts are that big or she's wearing either a push up bra or 'enhancers'.

These belong to one of my homegirls. We call them chicken cutlets. 

Seriously, WTF! 
I don't know if her ass is that nice or she's wearing a butt enhancer. Come on!! How am I supposed to know who I am really dating? It's bad enough a representative is showing up on the date, but how am I supposed to tell when the real deal is going to show up?

My biggest fear is that when I finally get behind closed doors, I'm going to find an obese, bald & flat chested woman in my bedroom. Good grief! The moment I get tricked, I'm suing!

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Melt this!

I am allergic to many things such as almonds, fresh strawberries, apples, lima beans, dust, cats, etc. It doesn't help that every now and then I have eczema. TMI? It also doesn't help that my "friend" is also allergic to most of the same items I am. Actually, who am I kidding. She's worse. I'm actually surprised she's not allergic to me. No really. If its not the detergent, its the deodorant, the lotion, the soap, etc.  With that being said, I always have to be careful with the products I use behind closed doors..ahem.  Since I like to use candles, I needed to find a product that wouldn't send either of us to the ER or make me whip out my Epi pen. Not Sexy!

I needed the help of experts. I headed to one of my favorite adult shops in the city, The Pleasure Chest. I love this place. They have a little of everything for everyone. They are my go to place for "accessories". I explained my sensitive skin & allergy dilemma to the great folks at PC and the girl recommended the Jimmy Jane After Glow Natural Scented Massage Oil Candle. I chose the Pink Lotus.

Talk about amazing! The candle fits in your palm and it comes in a ceramic candle holder and one of the top edges has a mini spout to help drizzle the oil as it melts. The Pink Lotus gives off a beautiful and warm aroma. The candle melts perfectly so the oil is not too hot as you pour. It glides on smoothly as you massage the person. It didn't stain my sheets either. That was a plus.

I couldn't wait to get home and give it a test run. I did a small patch test on my skin first and it was a go. The big test was on my "friend". Jimmy Jane is the ISH! Neither one of us had a reaction and we enjoyed it greatly. GREATLY. I instantly became a fan of Jimmy Jane.

If you know anyone that has sensitive skin issues, check this product out. I'm looking forward to checking out & ahem TRYING the rest of their collection.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011 of Williamsburg's Best Kept Secrets (Sssh! Don't tell the hipsters!)

Its been quiet some time since I've reviewed a dining establishment. It's not that I've stopped eating out. Quiet the contrary. I eat out way too much & need to start cooking. The problem is that there is always some Top 10 or Top 20 must eat lists that hits my inbox or someone posts on FB. These lists are not just mere lists, they are challanges! My goal is to go through these lists and compare what these reviewers wrote versus the reality. You know I don't believe half of those full of crap reviews. I just use them as a jumpoff.

So here goes...if you're looking for sushi or some crazy Phoenix roll..this is NOT THE PLACE.

This Williamsburg Modern Japanese eatery appeared on Refinery29's Top 10 Secret NYC Restaurants to Impress Your Foodie Friends list. Did someone say 'secret'? Instantly, this became my must do list for the summer. I couldn't get a reservation for several weeks. I parlayed my dilemma to a friend of mine who suggested I plead my case saying it was someones bday. Guess what? it worked! Now, why didn't I think of that?

The outside of the place looks like an average NYC building. Each table is private. It is set up with a roll up bamboo screen that gives you some ahem privacy. Each table is also equipped with silent buzzers that summon your server. How cool & awesome is that?

I brought my date since I had to try out these privacy features for my trusty readers. Oh sorry, I meant I had to try out the FOOD for my trusty readers. For the record, it felt like I was having an affair. I'm saying you have this shade, the silent buzzer, the place is dimly lit, flowing sake & japanese style tapas that are ever so sexy. I love thet feeling that I'm up to no good, so this was perfect. On ambiance alone, I give this spot high marks. Ahem..getting back to the real reason behind my review, the food. You definitely have to do the Chef's Omakase Tasting Menu for the full effect. All 8 courses were amazing. My favorites were the Washyu Beef Tataki (it melted it in your mouth), Sashimi of the day (Tuna Tartar), and the Saikyo Miso Cod. I'm was not a fan of the cod, but now I am. 

The Washyu Beef is the one in the white bowls.

Our server was great. My only minor concern was that she wasn't well versed in sake and their selections. I know nothing about sake. All I know is what tastes good to me. I asked her to tell me the difference between the regular sake tasting menu versus the premium. She couldn't tell me so she called over another server. He basically told me exactly what was written on the menu. Not much help. Premium more or less means better so that's what we decided. I was not going to do anything regular at this place.

Left: Grilled Teba Wings; Right: Saikyo Miso Cod

We had 3 different types of premium sake. We each both loved a different one. The 3rd selection we did not like. I ended up downing it like a shot because we couldn't let it go to waste. Betty Ford would've been proud.

Left: Mineoka Tofu; Center: Truffle infused with Whiskey; Right: Frozen Black Sesame Mousse

To my surprise, the great people at Zenkichi  remembered my birthday story. Our server appeared at our table with our dessert with birthday candles & catching me in a most...ahem.... interesting situation. I clearly remember saying to my date (my back was to the shade), "She's behind me, right?". Luckily I was only slightly misbehaving. Those bamboo shades definitely set an... ahem...mood.

I sang Happy Fake Birthday to my date as we tried to contain our laughter at the situation. I have to say Zenkichi definitely got thumbs up for detail and service. 

Zenkichi is without a doubt and bribe highly recommended by this Insomniac. The food was absolutely delicious, the service was impeccable and the ambiance is ideal for a great romantic date. It definitely can be a bit pricey, so this is not the place you bring your side pieces or bootycalls. I know they need love too, but not this much love!

Bookmark this Brooklyn spot & take your boo on an anniversary, birthday or what the hell...a fake birthday!

Buen Provecho!

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Shopping with Girls....the surefire way of getting me to go with you.

Shopping...ugh that dreaded word! Now as you know, I am not your typical girl/woman. I am also not a boy/man. I'm a woman with some boy like qualities. I love sports, beer, porn & women. My personality has a masculine edge, but in no way shape or form am I trying to be a biological boy. I'm also not knocking down the transgendered folks. To each is own I always say.
Now that I've cleared the political air, let's get back to this post. Most guys hate to shop. That's the reason you always find chairs or sofas in stores. It's not so women can rest their tired feet. It's for guys and people like me to rest and get some respite from holding all the goddamn shopping bags. I'm not complaining about the bag holding because that would be not be chivalrous of me. What I do complain about is how BORING shopping with a woman can be. SNORE....

Its not a fun all. All we do is lag behind and unwillingly follow the woman into every store while appearing to be remotely  interested and excited. SNORE. Any guy or person like me that states the contrary is a big fat liar. The things we do for love. It doesn't even have to be romantic love. It's the love you have for your parent, sibling, friend etc.

I like to go in and out of a store. I know my sizes & what I like. There is no way I'm going to spend hours rifling through racks as if I were cataloguing an exhibit. I go in, pick up the product, head to the register, pay & get the hell out. Very very simple.

God forbid I want to go to Modell's, Champs, a sneaker boutique or even an adult novelty shop. What? Ok so maybe not always the novelty shop, but if I need a new fitted or new kicks, come shop with me. Oh so here we go with the rolling of the eyes or the infamous one eyebrow lift accompanied by the pleasantly sarcastic, "sure". Come now, at least pretend you want to go like we do. God forbid I say, "sure" to shopping. The next response would be like "forget it" or better yet "forget it I thought you wanted to spend time together." If you're Catholic or a recovering Catholic, the insta-guilt switch is instantly turned to ON.
Shopping is definitely a no-win situation for us. Unless....shall I dare propose my revolutionary and compromising idea? Shopping should be something we can BOTH enjoy. No its not furniture! Boo to furniture shopping!! That's Level 4 in Dante's Inferno. What I mean ism ahem...Lingerie shopping!!! That's fun.

Oh here we go with women acting all shy and shit. Give me a break. Talk about an activity both parties could enjoy. She loves to shop and spend $ (hopefully not all of yours) and you, well what is not awesome about checking out the woman you are shopping with trying out or imaging her in lingerie? 

Mmmm...Lingerie (Homer Simpson voice). Lingerie is fashion and fashion is art. I love looking at a beautiful fine ass woman in some sexy lingerie. Now, lingerie is not just some lace underwear and a bra. It is high fashion. Victoria Secret's, that's some cheap ass shit. That's lingerie on a mad budget or maybe you just don't know any better. Better say you don't know any better.

Check out some of my favorite spot s,Agent Provocateur, Clo Intimo and La Perla.
These spots can get pretty pricey, so it should only be given to the person you actually care for and not the neighborhood cuero (be quiet M). Those cueros can get VS or even that cheap crap from Pretty Girl. So go ahead and shop till you max out your card or and at least make one of these shopping events genuinely fun for the both of you. Those are bags, I would definitely LOVE to carry. 

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Fallin' in love...10 years later

Let me begin this post by saying that I am not stalker. Yes, I know it sounds like its the 1st stage of denial of an addict. Really I'm not, even though today I acted like I was lol. 

I'm just a really big fan of a rather famous musical artist. Ok she's REALLY's none other than Alicia Keys. Oh where do I begin about my love for Ms. Keys? I feel in love with her shortly after her Songs in A Minor was released. My amazing brother in law (if you ever met him, you would agree he's pretty amazing) gave me a copy of her cd.

Hearing her husky tinged voice lace r&b infused hip hop beats made my heart skip a beat. There wasn't another artist like her around. Her lyrics were straight up, the girl could sing & the beats were fresh. It was love at first listen. I fell in love again when I actually saw what she looked like. I was like "Damn!" Her caramel complexion, those brown eyes, those braids & that killer smile. It was all over for me. I had never "fallen in love" with a musical artist since I was a teen loving up on Johnny from Menudo. (P.S. They all looked somewhat feminine so I shouldve seen that as a sign.)

Aye Alicia, tomorrow will mark our 10 year anniversary since Songs in A Minor was released. I have purchased (never bootleg!) every copy of her albums, attended 2 concerts, was at one time a paid member of her fan club & today actually saw her. Yes like in real person. Ok so she was like 10 feet away from me surrounded by 2 bodyguards & a wrought iron fence; nonetheless 10 feet only separated us.

Both of my exes and anyone I'm currently dating, knows my love for Alicia Keys. It's part of me. If you love me, then you have to accept the fact that Alicia is my boo too. My last ex-gf (you know who you are) gave me one of the best presents I could have ever wished. She took me to see Alicia Keys at Radio City Music Hall. She called in some favors to get me amazing seats. Amazing seats indeed! Check out some of my pics. These are mine. I took them. (Disclaimer: I didn't copy and paste them from someone's site. No one can sue me for using their pics without authorization because I own this!) 

Work has been a bit chaotic for me so I haven't really paid attention to Twitter. I will never make that mistake again! To my surprise I see that she's giving a "secret performance" at Joe's Pub in NYC. I read this like @ 2pm & she had tweeted about it a couple of hours earlier!!! I quickly got on FB & changed my status to, "who the hell works near joe's pub?". I work up in El Barrio & Tuesdays is one of my busiest days so I couldn't leave. This was hell on earth. This would've been my 2nd near miss since Alicia was at my job the week before & I found out way too late. Plus it wouldve been unprofessional of me to have approached her. Now if I was a real stalker, I wouldn't have cared. I respect her privacy and I also need my job.

So after securing the office (thanks S), I bounced around 340pm & headed to Joe's Pub. I hit up my fellow AK fan to join me. Of course my luck, I get there & its sold out. Surprise surprise. I stick around waiting for my homegirl when a black SUV pulls up. People are coming out of Joe's Pub, 2 bodyguards secure the perimeter and everyone is on alert. It's boo Alicia Keys has arrived for her soundcheck!!!! I text my homegirl to hustle it on over.
Alicia Key's SUV

Alicia Keys entering Joe's Pub (right before she blew me a kiss).
We waited for about 15 minutes & I see everyone start to position themselves. As her man Swizz would say, "It's Showtime!". I whipped out my droid and tried to get a pic. Those big ass guards were blocking her. As she ascended the steps to the entrance, I yelled out "Alicia Keys, I love you!". Alicia turns around and blows me a kiss. I could've died right there. I was stunned & speechless. I know it sounds dramatic, but at the particular moment everything in the world was great. 

Now if she had walked over to me,  I would've fainted right then and there. I know! I'm such a herb! Well I'm glad she didn't. I wasn't ready. I will be the next time we have another chance encounter. God looked out for me today. He had all the trains running on point that I ended up getting to Astor from Uptown in 15 minutes! That's a freakin' world record!

I had a great day and I want to shout out to all my friends who rallied me on my Alicia Keys journey and who tried to figure out ways to get me a ticket. It is definitely appreciated. Biggest lesson learned....never forget to check Twitter! 

Alicia, if you ever get to read this I'm not a crazie. I'm just a fan. I love your music, your sense of style, your humanitarian vision and creativity. Your music gave me hope during my darkest times and it is also provided the soundtrack of love in my life. Thank you for your music and your lyrics. Keep on doing what you do! 

Monday, June 27, 2011

Busted Feet Contest

Now that the summer is here, my other seasonal pet peeve has also arrived. During the winter, all I do is bitch and moan about those stupid Uggs. During the summer, all I do is bitch and moan about people and their fu*ked feet. Yes, I said it. So what?! If you have talons as opposed to pedicured feet, then you need to get you some Uggs and rock them all summer long. That's the only condition Uggs should be worn in the summer.

What is it with people leaving their homes in open toes shoes or sandals and not having a pedicure? Do I really want to look down while I'm riding on the train or bus, or waiting on line to buy something at the store and see chipped nail polish, crusty toenails, ashy feet or just plain hooves? There is no excuse for jacked up feet. I'm saying, even horses get new horseshoes when they need to. Why not get your feet done? It's going to take about 30 minutes and around $15-$20.

Look I'm not saying I have model feet. I don't, but I take care of them. I love my feet. I think my feet are sexy. I don't care what you think. I maintain them and make sure they look clean, smell clean, feel soft and my nails are trimmed. It's very simple. A quick pedi goes a long way. I type away I've noticed that I need a touch up myself. Now, all I said was a touch up since I had a pedi last week. Normally, a pedi lasts about 2 weeks, but I wore flip flops all weekend especially gallivanting in the West Village on Pride Sunday. All of that has taken a toll on my feet. Tomorrow I shall make an appointment!

Getting back to the topic, all I have to say is, "Good grief!" I can't stand to see a woman dressed up all nice and looking beautiful and when I look down, she's got rotten nail polish from when she was in high school. There is no excuse for such laziness. If you can't take care of your feet, I can only imagine how you "take care" of the rest of your hygiene. Now guys, the same goes for you. Do you think it's sexy for you to have long ass toenails that are yellow and cracked? That is not sexy. I'm starting to wonder if that's the reason that guys keep their socks on in porn flicks??? I don't know of anyone keeping their socks on while fornicating. Who the hell does that? That's like when guys where socks with sandals. Really who the hell does that????

So if you haven't made your appointment to get a pedi, NOW IS THE TIME! I'm all over NYC and if I happen to glance down and see that you haven't had a pedi since you were born, know that I will snap a picture with my handy dandy trusty droid. Let's see how many pics I can come up with for this one. I know some of my readers have the same pet peeve that I do. So readers let's make this interesting, send me your pics so I can create a NYC  Busted Feet Wall of Shame. Ok so here are the rules:

  1. Picture has to be taken somewhere in NYC. Your vacation pics won't count. 
  2. Take a picture of the feet, ONLY. We are not trying to get arrested for some violation of privacy crap. I know I'm not!
  3. Tell us the details of where this crime was committed. (i.e, Downtown E train)
  4. Date of crime.
  5. Your email address
We will pick a winner the day after Labor Day. I'm not rich, so there is no big fancy schmancy prize. The winner will get 2 movie tickets for either the AMC or Regal Theaters. 

So clear out the memory cards on your cell phones and let the games begin!!!

Sleep is for the birds.

Wow.... I cant' believe its been exactly 3 months since I've updated my blog. I guess that's what happens when you actually get some sleep! My bout with insomnia has more or less gone away. I actually miss it. I used to get so much done, now I feel a bit disorganized.
My insomnia would have me completely wired and hyper vigilant. I had crazy energy and was capable of doing so many things. Now that I'm somewhat sleeping, I'm lethargic and not focused. Is that possible? My goal now is to get back on the focus horse and keep my blog going. I worked so hard at it, why let it go to shit?  It's not that I've even run out of stories to tell. Quite the contrary. NYC has offered me an array of tantalizing epicurean and love delights that I will have to share or almost share.
So my deepest apologies my dear readers, your fellow Insomniac is back!

Sunday, March 27, 2011

My latest adventure...and it's not partying?

Hello Insomniacs! I'm back. My apologies for not writing for over a week. So much has been going on. The big news is that I've joined the gym and started eating healthy. No I'm not dying and I'm not sick. I decided that since I love my life so much that I would like to stick around a little bit longer. Just a little bit longer. I work hard, love hard and party hard. I want to maintain my lifestyle, but I'm tired of being tired. I'm also stressed about getting ahem...old so I'm hoping this will slow down my clock.

To begin with I don't diet. I hate diets. Anything that tells me I CAN'T, won't work with me. I eat somewhat healthy. The keyword being 'somewhat'. I eat fruits and veggies. I hate salads. I LOVE beer and cocktails. I don't really exercise much unless you count the dancing I do while partying. As you also know I suffer from insomnia. That definitely hasn't helped my immune system. In a nutshell, I'm not healthy. Who the hell likes feeling tired and sick? No wonder I haven't met the woman of my dreams!

Last week I decided that I needed to make a change. My doctor wasn't telling me I needed to lose weight. My mother wasn't nagging me either. This time I was doing it because I wanted to do it for me and no one else. What a difference! I've gone to the gym all week. I'm up at 5am and working out by 530. I've been bringing my breakfast and lunch. I don't think I've ever been this responsible (outside of work). I was even at at the gym on Saturday at 7am!

I actually have to admit that working out has given my swag a little bit of a jump start. I feel energized and confident. Who the hell knew? My only goal is to keep this up. If I lose some weight in the process, more power to me. I don't want to set any weight goals or anything crazy like that. I hate rules and imposing rules on myself would be my personal hell. Can you imagine me giving up cocktails, tapas and BEER? It's NOT going to happen.  All I'm saying is that I'm going to try to eat and live somewhat healthy during the week. I'll pack my lunch (which also helps me save some $$), cook dinner as opposed to getting take-out, try to avoid happy hour during the week and go to the gym.  My goal for the weekend is to eat, drink and be merry. Not bad huh? I can't stop living. I would be miserable. Absolutely...miserable!
Pues vamos a ver and see how this goes. This definitely may be a whole new leaf for me. The fact that my gym bag is packed already, my lunch is made and my work clothes are ready to go is definitely way too responsible for me. It seems I may be going a little full on this, but if this is what does it for me then more power to me. I'm definitely on a whole new journey...falling in love with myself :)

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Herbivores....unfortunately will never be extinct

Before you start reading, let me clarify that this post is in NO WAY correlated to Veganism. I'm not writing about animals or people that eat plants. This is another type of Herbivore. Trust me that you know exactly what's a herbivore . A herbivore as defined by the utmost respected dictionary in the world, the Urban Dictionary is a, "Variation of the commonly known slang "Herb". An upgrade if you will."  If you don't know what a herb is, well a herb is "used by rapper esoteric, in the song herb. pronounced like its spelled, no silent h. it doesn't mean weed or drugs, its a term for someone who follows trends, or just is a complete bullshitter. Basically one of those kind of people that nobody likes."  With that being said, its an adjective to describe someone corny. Mad corny. 

Usually you are able to spot the herbivores at bars, lounges and clubs. They travel in packs and usually lurk in corners scouting the area. You know exactly who I'm talking about! They form a herb huddle and you can see them pick a target and select one person in the group to go and make their move. Usually the alpha herb makes his or her way to a poor unfortunate victim. If the group of guys or girls is laughing about something, they try to join the conversation. They also try to get you to dance. No matter how many times, you politely decline, they still keep coming back. Here lies the problem.... they try TOO damn hard and they think they are mad cool. That's what makes them a herbivore. 

I'm not gonna front. I am guilty of herbivore behavior. At least I know and admit it. My herbivore behavior is different. It's not because I try too hard or I think I'm  too cool. It's the complete opposite. No matter how friendly, social and funny I am, I can be extremely shy. I'm dead serious. I get extremely shy around women who I find attractive. I don't know what to do or say. It's like all my confidence and mojo goes out the window. I literally feel and start acting like this dude from Revenge of the Nerds. 

It's pretty sad and pathetic to see me going from confident and funny and then guffawing like an idiot. Luckily for me, I have such great wing (wo)men that chin check me and pump my brakes. They make sure I snap out of herbivore mode and get back to my A game. This is also typically the time when one of my crew gives me a non-literal, 'bofeta' or back handed slap. 

So the next time you go out with your friends for a boys or girls night, be on the look out. They are sitting at the bar or all huddled in a corner. They are all holding drinks in their hands and checking out the scene. If you pay close enough attention you can actually hear their radar zoom in on either you or one of your friends and within a couple of minutes they start to approach. As my crew would say, its time to get ready to say 'Pompa la Pausa' (Italian for pump your brakes) and...

Monday, March 14, 2011

Stalker Apps...REDUX
So it seems that my little posting on stalker apps hit a nerve with a couple of my readers. I've been fielding texts and emails throughout the day from several readers asking if these stalker apps were in fact real. Yes and No.

I think its funny and interesting that no one wanted to comment on the actual blog itself. I got ya paranoid huh? Well that was not my intention. It was just my thoughts on a conversation I had with one of my homegirls. To clarify, yes there are stalker apps. If there is an app to find the nearest public bathroom (SitorSquat..which I have), there is going to be some stalker app. You know they were probably originally designed as a security measure for locating kids or something like that. Well you know that anything that is created for good, there is always gonna be some hater who has to use that power for evil. There is always someone out there who has to go full retard. Always. They ruin it for everybody.

Even if I didn't write about these stalker apps, just know your phone has a built in GPS system. Think about it. As my techie friend said to me, "How do you think they can locate people who call 911?". Well there you go. It's that simple. You don't necessarily need a stalker app. These stalker apps just make it much more easier to locate someone.

Everyone that hit me up today was a bit nervous. The way I see it, if you do the whole social networking thing, you have no choice. You have to make yourself socially 'available'. As with everything in life, just be smart about it. I have my own strategic techniques to sort of cover my 'tracks'. I didn't download anything fancy. I just used good ole common sense and I disable my location service when I update on certain sites. That's one of the ways I go into stealth mode. Just like when you know NOT to walk down a dark & scary looking alley, well its the same thing. Be smart and use your common sense.

It's impossible for me not to be "found". I blog. I update my twitter, facebook and foursquare. If you surf people searching sites like SPOKEO, I'm sure you can find yourself or someone you know. So this is bigger than the stalker apps. I'm not saying all of this to make you crazy and paranoid. I'm just saying this to be mad real.

Bottom line, if you are checking in on someone or someone is checking in on you....that's not a stalker app problem. That's an old fashioned hiding in the bushes/watching you through binoculars/hiring a private detective type of stalker problem. The problem is deeper than just hitting 'install' on your phone. You need to work out that problem before it goes out of control. You know if you are in one of those situations and you know what you need to do. So DO IT!

Ok enough of this debbie downer crap, i'm starting to sound like a PSA. Ugh! So unless I get more emails and texts on this, I'll return to my regularly scheduled blog of my NYC adventures.  Now go out there and live your life...DAMMIT!

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Stalking Apps?

Why do some people feel the need to stalk? Is it boredom? Insecurities? I don't have the need or energy to stalk. Apparently you don't need to do any hard work to stalk someone these days. You don't even need a computer anymore. If you have a smartphone, trust that there may be a stalking app for your phone or that its already built in. If it's not your social networking site, its the geo-tagging feature when you take a picture. Yes, taking a simple picture that has been geo-tagged is enough information for your stalker to find you. Scary huh?

Like I said, social networking sites have made it way too easy to stalk someone. Since I don't have any of the women I'm dating as a Facebook friend, I don't have anything to worry about. Or do I?? Honestly, my closest stalking experience was someone I was seeing who felt she needed to test the limits of her unlimited texting plan. If you text me over 5 times a day, then Houston we have a problem. There is no need for anyone to keep tabs on me, quiz my whereabouts or text me a thousand times a day asking me how's my day going. Really? Ok I'm exaggerating when I say a thousand, but the 10 texts she sent every day felt like a thousand. Is it me or am I just a pain in the ass? Wait....don't answer that just yet.

While drinking and laughing over unlimited mimosas, my friend asked if my droid revealed my location when I called someone? I was like huh? What??? Talk about sobering up in an instant! I said I don't think so, why? She said someone told her that when she calls, that person's Droid tells them what borough she's in. You can't tell me something like that!! I'm already paranoid of getting stalked. While holding my glass of mimosa, I told my friend that there is no freaking way someone can tell what borough you're calling from. Or can they??? So there I went... frantically scrolling through my call history to see if there was any truth to her question and thankfully there wasn't. Talk about a giant BBMWHEW face!! Well not exactly...

I just couldn't stop thinking about my friend's question. I sat there over brunch and wondered if there were actual stalking apps out there. I hit up Google and did some research. Apparently, there ARE such apps out there in the crazy apps world. I refuse to give the names or links because I'm totally against these apps! Who the hell are these crazy apps designers? See what happens when people use their powers for evil? If you thought I had difficulty sleeping before, this is not going to help my case.

Ayee another thing for me to worry about! What's funny is that I never worried about this as I updated my Facebook,Twitter and or Foursquare. I know everyone on my Facebook and my security settings are super customized. My biggest fear is the possibility of dating a closeted stalker. So until I decide to settle down and get into a serious relationship, I will turn off my location service on my phone (except when I'm updating Foursquare and then I will turn it off again), continue to give my dates only my cell phone number and a secondary email address. Like I tell my friends, you're life should be an Oscar nominated film and not a Lifetime movie. Make sure you clear your browsing history after you read this post. Hey you never know!

Thursday, March 10, 2011

NYC Dates on a Budget

Dating in NYC can get pretty expensive. Especially if you are old school like myself who frowns on the whole dutch thing. I'll do the dutch thing if it's a blind date, but If I am asking a girl out then it should be my responsibility to pay. Not many of my friends agree with me, but that's who I am....broke and funny.

That's how I came up with my NYC dates on a budget. Dinner and movie..yawn...that is mad boring. What are we in the 1950's? First of all, doing the dinner and movie thing is expensive. Secondly, you can't talk during the movies so how are you supposed to get to know someone?

If you opt on the dinner AND the movie, this the breakdown.... Dinner for two depending on where you are going is going to run you about $50. I'm not including drinks. If you order drinks and I mean drink(s) not juice or soda, let's say close to $75. Right now movies in NYC are about $12-$13pp. If you get popcorn, soda or candy, factor an extra $15-$20. The grand total of $100-$120. This is not one of those Visa commercials where it ends in..... PRICELESS. This story is going to end in.....GOING TO COLLECTIONS.

If you want to save your money and have a good time, these are my top 3 suggestions:

1. Walk a NYC bridge (weather pending). I recommend the Brooklyn Bridge.
In MY opinion, the Brooklyn Bridge is the most beautiful bridge in the world. I also recommend you walking the bridge as the sun is setting. You get a great view of the city and Brooklyn. There are plenty of areas to stop and take in the sights, take pictures and hang out. Don't go during the day because there are MAD TOURISTS. They can be so annoying and its crowded. Night time is the best. Start off by City Hall and walk over to Brooklyn. Once you are in Brooklyn, head over to the Brooklyn Ice Cream Factory on Fulton Ferry Pier. You can also wait on the long ass line to Grimaldi's Pizza. It's ok and not my favorite. See my NYC Pizza post for my faves.

2. A Picnic. Yeah, yeah I sound like a herb, but I'm serious. You can go to any of the major parks. You have Central Park, Riverside Park, Battery Park, Flushing Meadow Park, Prospect Park, etc...There are tons of parks. I suggest you go to park that also has other things to do. For example, Central Park is known for their rowboats and zoo, Prospect Park has their paddle boats and zoo (plus the Brooklyn Museum & Botanic Garden is nearby) and Flushing Meadows Corona Park has their miniature golf and New York Hall of Science. Pack a picnic with some sandwiches, fruits, cheese, and some Pack it in some plastic bottles so you won't get arrested. Be smart. Once you've had your fill, walk off the food in the park, stroll through the museum or hit some balls on the mini range. You'll have fun, plenty of laughs and most importantly it won't break your bank.

3. Pick a hood, any hood in NYC. Also be smart about this one. Don't go to an unsafe hood. You're not bulletproof. Pick a neighborhood you've never been to and that you want to explore. Go to Chinatown in Lower Manhattan, Williamsburg in Brooklyn, Jackson Heights in Queens or Little Italy in the Bronx. Do a little research before you go. Read up on some food recommendations and things to do in NYC. This is NYC mi gente!! There is always some festival, street fair, performance, show, etc.  Also there are tons of free things to do in NYC.

There! I hooked you up. Not only am I helping you keep your chips in your pocket, but I've given you some tips on having fun and economically friendly dates. Don't forget that this is your city. Be safe and have fun. Don't forget to give up your seat on the bus/train to a pregnant woman , elderly or handicapped person.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Ayyyeeee....Fo! They are UGGly!!

I'm so freakin' ecstatic that spring is right around the corner and that winter is finally coming to an end. Why? Well winter in NYC has been a b**tch. I'm so tired of this damn snow and the bleakness of winter that it gave me a touch of the winter blues. I'm so glad that the sun is appearing much more frequently and that it gets darker later in the day. The other most important reason I am ecstatic for winter to end is because that means it's officially the end of UGG season. Well almost. The warmer it gets, the less I see of the world's ugliest fashion accessory. The Ugg boots. I HATE...UGGS! (Note: even though it may be a NYC sweltering summer hell hot day, just know that there is some crazy chick running around in tiny shorts, a tank and those stupid Uggs.)

If you know me, you know how much I can stand those boots. They are the bane of my existence. You would think I was a stylist or some fashion consultant. That I am not. I'm so far from it. I'm a tomboy. I'm a t-shirt, sweater, jeans and sneakers type of chica. So really who the f*#k do I think I am? I just know what I like. Dasss it! You know what I'm saying.

Well a day doesn't go by, that I don't see someone in the street wearing those effin' boots. For those of you that don't know me, don't be shocked. A lot and I mean A LOT of people hate those boots. If you own a pair, just know that some of your friends hate them. My friends know I can't stand them. They just don't give a flying F**k and still wear them.

So I hear that they are warm, comfy and toasty. Well if that's how you want to feel, then keep your ass home. They are not even cute. They look caveman ridiculous. It doesn't help that some designers decided to jump on  the UGG train and design limited edition Uggs. There is the Jimmy Choo UGG with all those UGGly rivets, grommets and studs. You know Jimmy ain't wearing those things. He's taking it the bank. Trust that I ain't hatin. I just hate that there are more Ugg boot selections. Then there are also the celebrity designed Uggs by Betsey Johnson, Christian Siriano and Manolo Blahnik. I don't care. They are all UGGly.

A day does not go by that I don't spot someone wearing these boots. On the bus, on the train, heading to the gym, at a club, at a bar, at a list is endless. Besides them being UGGly, I have my own selfish reason for hating them. Yes I am admitting I'm selfish. I have somewhat of a shoe fetish. I look forward to looking at the type of shoes women wear. The UGGs killed the art of Retifism. There is nothing cute or remotely sexy about the UGGs. Nothing.

I can't stand seeing a women dressed up and then I look down to see what shoes she's paired with her outfit and POW! those damn UGGs! Talk about a killjoy. Those boots really know how to not just kill an outfit, but  a mood. I was on the bus the other day and spotted these on a woman wearing sweatpants. Whatever. They were horrific.
Now ladies and friends, if you are going to stick with your UGGly UGGs, you have to take care of them. Shoe maintenance is an integral part of your wardrobe. That means if they are stained by water, snow, mud or who the hell knows take them boots to the DRY CLEANERS. Yes the DRY CLEANERS. They will clean them up and make them look all purrrty for you. NOW...let's pay attention....close attention...If your UGG boots are ripped, torn or severely busted, YOU NEED TO THROW THEM OUT. I don't care that how much you spent, THROW THEM SHITS OUT!  There is no excuse for you to be wearing torn, ripped, busted ass UGG boots or any type of shoe. THROW THEM OUT! I don't get it. I just don't get it. Maybe some one in the blog reading world could explain to me why would you leave your house with your UGGs looking like this???

Courtesy of my twin bff, NW. Thanks for being on the UGG detail!

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Food for your Ears...

For those of you that have been living under a rock or a cave and not up on the latest in Latin artists, let me introduce you to Los Rakas. They are Panamanian 'hip hop' duo that reside in Cali. Their music is not just hip hop. It's a blend of hip hop, reggae and dancehall. Their lyrics are in both English and Spanish. They have been getting mad love. They recently performed in NYC with La Mala Rodriguez. Of course, I missed it. I was dead on going, but it slipped my mind and yes I'm a big loser. I'm going to have to wait till they come around again.

Check out their joint below. Their beats and lyrics are mad dope. I've been listening/following them for about 2 months. Tengo mi pistola y diente de oro......

Since I mentioned La Mala Rodriguez, I'm going to have to say a little something about her. On the real, if you have not checked out her music, you need to. A lot of people sleep on rap artists from Latin America/Spain, but they have mad skills. La Mala is a Spanish rapper that has been around for a minute. My sister introduced me to her music a couple of years ago and I've been a fan ever since. She's done collabos with Tego Calderon, Nelly Furtado, and Julieta Venegas. She is on the money. Her music and her lyrics are creative and fresh. Check out one of her older joints. It's one of my favorites. If you don't have her on your ipod, you need to add her to your playlist.

Last, but not least is Leon Marin. He is a hip hop artist hailing from the Planet of Brooklyn. I heard about this dude on Facebook. Some friends of mine have been shooting his videos and posting them. So, I decided to check this guy out. I have to say he's pretty good. He definitely has a pretty good flow. (Note: If you only like those club banging 'hip hop' joints, then this cat is not for you. Hell! None of my recommendations are for you.)
He did his Brooklyn version of 'Empire State of Mind' called 'Gowanus State of Mind'. He rhymes over Jay-Z's famous NYC tribute track. Check out the video below. I forwarded this video link to all my BK friends and they loved it.
He recently released a mix tape, L.E.O.N-Love Everything Over Nothing. Comparing it to his earlier mixtape, Food 4 Thought, this is definitely a huge improvement. L.E.O.N is a pretty good mixtape. The beats are better and so are his rhymes. He's definitely a guy to keep your eye on.

Check out the link below where you can download his mixtape for free. My favorite joint is 'Hey Lauren'.

Leon Marin

Hope you guys enjoy my recommendations. If you know of some artist/musician that I should be blowin up on my ipod, put me on son!

Sunday, February 27, 2011

NYC Chinatown Eats...the quickie tour

A couple of weeks ago, my brother-in-law extraordinaire took my friends and I on a quick tour of his favorite Chinatown eats. We started our tour walking from City Hall to his favorite dumpling spot in Chinatown, creatively called the Fried Dumpling at 106 Mosco Street. We ordered 5 dumplings for $1. It's literally a hole in the wall. The dumplings are so fresh and light, unlike the big bulky dumplings/wontons you get at those crappy take-outs.
Walking up Mosco Street reminded me of the little Chinese lady who used to make her famous Hong Kong cakes back in the day. Her little red gated shack is still there. It's on the corner of Mott and Mosco Streets.
We used to wait on line for up to half an hour for 2 bags of her famous, hot, toasty and yummy cakes. Boy, do I miss her!

Next stop was getting some authentic Chinese style beef jerky at New Beef King 89 Bayard Street. At first, I was hesitant to try this spot out. I've never really had beef jerky. The only beef jerky I've ever seen were those nasty looking beef sticks at the bodega/grocery stores. My brother-in-law ordered us the fruit flavored beef jerky, pork strip jerky and regular beef strips.
I have to say that I fell in love. I have gone back 2x since then. My favorite has to be the fruit flavored beef jerky and pork strip jerky. I haven't tried the other ones, but I will the next time I go back. This is another must on your Chinatown tour!

Since we were pretty much full from the dumplings and jerky, we roamed the streets of Chinatown to walk it off. We stopped at this little old school Chinese owned stationary store that sells everything from hand fans to snaps. Who knew snaps could be so much fun at our age?
We stocked up on snaps and tossed them at people walking by. Yes I know, we are supposed to be mature adults, but it was so much fun. In the end we just tossed them at one another. The snap game ended when my sister tossed one towards my head as I was putting my Yankee cap on and it busted on my hand. It hurt lol. After laughing and creating havoc with the snaps, champagne poppers and faux Chinese New Year "fireworks", we were hungry for some dinner.

Our final stop was Joe's Shanghai. My BFF Dee has made me boycott Joe's Shanghai for years, but I broke down and cheated. It was amazing! I've been dreaming of these dumplings ever since. I even went to their original Queens location, but the Chinatown location is better. Joe's Shanghai is famous for their soup dumplings The minute you sit at a table, the waiter already wants to know which dumplings you want to order.  You have a choice of pork or seafood/crabmeat dumpling. Both are equally delicious. They come in a bamboo steamer basket.
There is way to eat these dumpling since they are filled with soup. You pick up the dumpling from the top with the tongs. You place the dumpling on your soup spoon. You then break a little hole with your teeth on the side of the dumpling. This enables you to drink or slurp the soup from inside the dumpling. Now remember, these are piping hot! The soup inside the dumpling is also VERY hot. So be careful that you don't burn your lips. I've warned you! The rest of the food there is pretty good. Make sure you hit this spot. These dumplings are amazing. Whenever I post a mobile upload of these dumplings on my FB page, I get tons of comments saying how much people love these dumplings or asking where did I get them.

In the future, I'll add the rest of my favorite Chinatown eats. For now, this is a great quickie jump off for those of you who want to start exploring Chinatown in NYC. So forget about going to Chinatown to get your bootleg Gucci bag or bootleg Prada sunglasses.  Go to Chinatown and get some authentic & original culinary fare!


Happy Hour at The Lexington Social

All work and no play makes everyone a dull person. With that being said, we all deserve a break mid week to help us make it to Friday. What better way to break the work monotony than with happy hour Wednesdays! Happy Hour is the ideal time to get great drinks at a cheap price. My favorite place for happy hour hands down is at The Lexington Social
The Lexington Social is located up in East Harlem or better known to New Yorkers as El Barrio. They offer happy hour every day from 3pm-7pm. Their deal is $4 well drinks and $2 beers. Nice huh? As of a month ago, they also started offering a Mediterranean tapas menu created by Chef Saul Montiel. The tapas menu is also a great deal. You can either get one order for $7 or 3 different tapas for $18. We normally do the 3 for $18 deal since it's usually 4-5 of us. 
I recommend the spinach and ricotta dumplings. They are delicious! The Sicilian meatballs are also extremely tasty and full of flavor. I know who would've thought? 
Yet Saul really did a great job in selecting the right spices and seasonings. The meat sauce that accompanies them is also delicious. I'm very picky about my tomato/meat sauces. I don't like sweet heave sauces. This sauce is light which evens out the heaviness of the meatballs.


Our third favorite tapas is the baked orecchiette with peas, wild mushroom and prosciutto in a parmesean cheese sauce. The baked orechhiette is like some boughie italian version of mac and cheese. We also recently tried the pulpo ceviche and it was also a hit. The decision to serve Mediterranean tapas has been a wise for the Social. The portions are ideal, the tapas are the delicious and the fact that they are pasta based helps keep your level of intoxication in check. 

Your first trip to the Social should be during happy hour. I recommend Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays because my favorite bartender Lyah works those days.  Lyah is famous for her happy hour margaritas. 
Get them with or without salt and trust me you'll end up having at least 4 before happy hour is over. They also have a pretty descent beer on tap selection. It covers the basics: Guinness, Coors Light, Blue Moon, Six Point Ale, Pork Slap,  Kelso IPA, and Sam Adams Seasonal. They also carry bottles of Corona, Negro Modelo, Stella Artois, Pacifico and Sam Adams Lager. I'm a Belgian beer type of chica, so its always going to be Stella. I'm going to request that they get DT (Delirium Tremens). That would make this place heaven for me. 

The staff at the Social are great and friendly. Everyone that I bring to the Social always goes back. The staff are pretty good at remembering their customers and their drinks. It's not loud and filled with the drunken fraternity type of crowd. Since it's on the border of the UES and East Harlem, its also not filled with the stuffy martini cosmo crowd. With so many bars in NYC, it's definitely nice to go to a bar that makes you feel at home. This is definitely one of my top picks. If you end up going, tell Lyah that La Insomnia sent you. 

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Aye...There's a Blip in my Matrix!

Not sure what's been going on lately, but for the past couple of months I'm picking up guys. Yes guys. Oh and let me clarify I'm not picking them up, they are either trying to pick me up or flirt with me. I remember the days when I would get hit only by women, but now it's all about the men hitting on me. It feels like I'm living in Bizarro world or that there's a huge blip in my matrix!
What confuses me is that I am not girly by nature. I'm also not one of those women who want to look like or be like a guy. That's not me. I love being a woman. If I had to describe my style, it's "tomboyish". I don't wear girly clothes. I haven't worn a skirt or dress in over 20 years. I have shoulder length hair, I get mani and pedis (french pedis in the summer). I'm a jeans and t-shirt/sweater type of girl. So with that being said, I am not exactly sure why the guys are hitting on me.
Without fail, whenever I'm out a lounge, club or restaurant, I get hit on. It's so freaking bizarre!! At first I thought it was just me blowing up the situation, but I have witnesses. Prime example, about a month ago I had dinner with my crew at Victor's Cafe. We were sitting at the bar waiting for one of our friends (doesn't it seem like I'm always waiting for one of my friends at the bar?). We were laughing and having a good time. This guy stands near me and orders a drink. He decides to strike up a conversation with us and then the conversation shifts to just him and I. I'm a social butterfly  & I'm pretty friendly if you approach me right.  He was nice and respectful so I chatted up with him.
I knew we took a left turn in Albuquerque when he started asking me where I was heading after dinner and where did I live. At this point, I was like "Oh no, here we go again..ayeeeee...!" He asked me if I was single and maybe we could hang out in the future. Now here is the moment, where I felt like I was in sitcom. It felt like everything just froze, except me and I asked my audience, "What gives him the idea I like men? I'm wearing a button down men's shirt, a blazer, jeans and boots. What part of my ensemble gives him the clue that I like men?".  I step back to the bar and everyone starts moving and talking again. He gave me his business card and asked that I call him so we could go out. I politely took his card and told him to have a great night. At this point my friends are rolling at witnessing the spectacle or what I would think is a debacle. I don't know what was worse getting hit on or having my friends witness the entire event.

Whatever crazy blip in the matrix that is causing this series of unfortunate events needs to end. Living in Bizarro world has been strange. I'm not used to having men hitting on me. Let's hope that I get a call from Neo pretty soon telling me my nearest escape route. I also hope that when he calls, he transports me to the Playboy mansion or Miami. That would totally fix the blip in my matrix ;)

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Thai in the Hood

I talk mad ish about the UES, but I can't escape it. I have no choice. It's where my office is located and that's what pays my bills. It's often hard to get out of the office, but when I do it's because I want to treat myself. Today was that day. I emailed Beautifully Obsessed to say I was craving for some of our favorite Thai. Her response was "Leave Now". I grabbed my coat, told my staff I was out to lunch and made a mad dash for the emergency exit.
Gong was my destination. If you ever crave some some pretty good Thai on the UES, go straight to Gong. Do not pass go and collect $200. It's cheap, the food is always tasty and they have great service. The funny thing is when you say UES, you don't picture the pj's (housing projects to ya'll non city folks).
This place is down the block from the pj's so it's in the mini UESide hood.

I met up with Beautifully Obsessed and ordered our usual. Gong offers a pre fixe lunch menu which is a great deal. For $7.95/$8.95 you get a choice of an appetizer and entree. We always get the spring roll with plum sauce. YUM! Our entrees are different. I always get the chicken pad thai. They make an awesome pad thai. It's not oily or greasy which it can be. The noodles are always cooked right. Beautifully Obsessed always orders the tofu with chili basil sauce.
The service is quick, the food is on point and its a great spot to meet for a quickie. A quickie lunch you pervs! Check them out if you're in the UES hood.