Monday, November 28, 2011

False Advertising

Trying to get back on this blogging grind. What better way to start my grind with a post on my biggest dating pet peeve...False Advertising.

Dating is already a tough job. It's like going on interviews and interviewing every weekend. As I go on these dates, I have to determine along the way whether what she is telling me is fact or fiction. The process is exhausting. The last thing I want to worry about is determining whether the woman I'm taking out on a date is "real". When I say "real", I mean what parts of her physical appearance are actually real. Don't laugh. I'm serious.

I don't know if her hair is real or she's wearing extensions. I don't know if her body shape is real or she's wearing Spanx. I don't know if her eyelashes are real or she's wearing false lashes. I don't know if her breasts are that big or she's wearing either a push up bra or 'enhancers'.

These belong to one of my homegirls. We call them chicken cutlets. 

Seriously, WTF! 
I don't know if her ass is that nice or she's wearing a butt enhancer. Come on!! How am I supposed to know who I am really dating? It's bad enough a representative is showing up on the date, but how am I supposed to tell when the real deal is going to show up?

My biggest fear is that when I finally get behind closed doors, I'm going to find an obese, bald & flat chested woman in my bedroom. Good grief! The moment I get tricked, I'm suing!

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