Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Herbivores....unfortunately will never be extinct

Before you start reading, let me clarify that this post is in NO WAY correlated to Veganism. I'm not writing about animals or people that eat plants. This is another type of Herbivore. Trust me that you know exactly what's a herbivore . A herbivore as defined by the utmost respected dictionary in the world, the Urban Dictionary is a, "Variation of the commonly known slang "Herb". An upgrade if you will."  If you don't know what a herb is, well a herb is "used by rapper esoteric, in the song herb. pronounced like its spelled, no silent h. it doesn't mean weed or drugs, its a term for someone who follows trends, or just is a complete bullshitter. Basically one of those kind of people that nobody likes."  With that being said, its an adjective to describe someone corny. Mad corny. 

Usually you are able to spot the herbivores at bars, lounges and clubs. They travel in packs and usually lurk in corners scouting the area. You know exactly who I'm talking about! They form a herb huddle and you can see them pick a target and select one person in the group to go and make their move. Usually the alpha herb makes his or her way to a poor unfortunate victim. If the group of guys or girls is laughing about something, they try to join the conversation. They also try to get you to dance. No matter how many times, you politely decline, they still keep coming back. Here lies the problem.... they try TOO damn hard and they think they are mad cool. That's what makes them a herbivore. 

I'm not gonna front. I am guilty of herbivore behavior. At least I know and admit it. My herbivore behavior is different. It's not because I try too hard or I think I'm  too cool. It's the complete opposite. No matter how friendly, social and funny I am, I can be extremely shy. I'm dead serious. I get extremely shy around women who I find attractive. I don't know what to do or say. It's like all my confidence and mojo goes out the window. I literally feel and start acting like this dude from Revenge of the Nerds. 

It's pretty sad and pathetic to see me going from confident and funny and then guffawing like an idiot. Luckily for me, I have such great wing (wo)men that chin check me and pump my brakes. They make sure I snap out of herbivore mode and get back to my A game. This is also typically the time when one of my crew gives me a non-literal, 'bofeta' or back handed slap. 

So the next time you go out with your friends for a boys or girls night, be on the look out. They are sitting at the bar or all huddled in a corner. They are all holding drinks in their hands and checking out the scene. If you pay close enough attention you can actually hear their radar zoom in on either you or one of your friends and within a couple of minutes they start to approach. As my crew would say, its time to get ready to say 'Pompa la Pausa' (Italian for pump your brakes) and...

1 comment:

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