Courting

Yes I’m using an old ass medieval term for dating. I’m sorry. I’m old school. I really wish it was like back in the days when courting was in fashion. I would have been called ‘smashing’, ‘debonaire’, a true gentleman. I would be strutting around in a top hat and a cane. I envision looking like Gary Oldman as Count Dracula in Coppola’s adaption of Dracula. Talk about sexy! What do I get now..fucking “cute”.  Being called cute fucking sucks. It makes me feel like I’m 12 as opposed to being ahem…38.  Who the hell gets called cute at 38? I’m thinking its because of my youthful good looks, funny personality and that I’m short. Short people always get called cute.  Midgets/Little people get called ‘cute’. I’m not that little you know. I’m like the fucking jolly green giant next to a midget. Some women say that I’m good looking, I’ve been called handsome (depending on what I’m wearing) and even sexy. Cute…that really doesn’t cut it. It’s definitely a cold shower mood killer.

So let’s get back to courting. What is courting you ask? Well it’s the prequel to dating.  You ask the woman who is the apple of your eye out to dinner or for a walk across a bridge. Something very low key. You want to make sure that you want to pursue this. There is no kissing, no sex and absolutely no type of physical contact except for the good night kiss on the cheek (if you are lucky).  The courting process involves holding open doors, pulling out chairs, helping her with her coat, jacket or sweater and being a true gentleman. You court because you are interested. Some may say that courting and dating are synonymous, but they aren’t. Dating these days means having sex after the 2nd or 3rd date. Now I’m not judging anyone, but I think that’s pretty whoreish.  That’s just me. There is no way I’m going to trust anyone that will want to fuck me within 3 dates. She is definitely not wifey material. I’m saying have some standards woman!

There are some women out there that enjoy the courting bit. There are some that claim they want to be courted and then there are the whores who say it’s an ancient stupid tradition.  The women who enjoy being courted are far and few.  The few that I have met rather enjoy my debonair ways.  

As Latinos, courting is in our blood. It is a tradition that was brought to our people by the conquistadores during the conquest. Unfortunately, the Spaniards never bothered to court the countless Mayan, Aztec and Incan women, but that’s another whole story and a whole other blog.  As I was saying, courting is a Latino tradition. It’s been bastardized over the years with the advent of technology with people texting, web chats, chat rooms, dating sites, etc.  People who court and the courting tradition itself is on the verge of becoming extinct.  Our society is based on the immediate self gratification.  We want what we want when we want it. We don’t care about anyone else, but ourselves.  Everyone just wants to bust a nut. People across the board have lowered their standards. This is why courting is becoming or has become obsolete.  You have to see the faces people make when I say I like to court. They look at me like if I said I was a terrorist. It’s a mixed look of shock and pity. I don’t care though. It’s my tradition. Fuck all of you.   

Flirting 101

Flirting is one of my natural Leo traits. I love to flirt with anyone and everyone. It can be a guy or a girl. When it comes to flirting with a guy, the timing has to be just right.  Well for me it does since I don’t really flirt with me. Women on the other hand, there is no timing. It comes “au natural”.   I flirt with waitresses, bank tellers, nurses, doctors, sales clerks, hostesses, lawyers, mothers, daughters (adults) old women and of course young women.  I always start off with a greeting of sorts such as “Good morning/afternoon, hope you have been a good day so far..” That starts off the conversation. They usually reply with a typical answer such as “it’s ok, it’s pretty good” or something along that line and then I get a smile. Yes, I know what you are thinking, these women are not gay or like women or how in the hell do I know that they may be remotely interested in you. I don’t.  It’s as simple as that. I don’t flirt because I’m trying to pick up someone, but because I’m just flirting. That’s it. If something arises out of the flirting, then that’s a whole different ball game.  That’s not my goal or challenge. I just love to flirt.

So let’s get back to basic flirting 101. Once I’ve engaged my flirtee, I say something funny related to the reason I’m speaking to this person. I’m also naturally very charming and that definitely helps.  People don’t realize how having a sense of humor is a very sexy and attractive trait. I have to say that it is the #2 trait I personally look for in a woman.  #1 is brains.  Once I make the woman laugh or giggle, I have succeeded. I’ve succeeded in flirting with what is most common a straight woman and probably have her thinking for a split second how cute I am. Yes I know I’m sounding a little conceited, but trust me I’m far from it. I just like to offer women options. No one should be contained to a box. That’s boring. I like to make women smile and laugh. It’s my thing.  Sometimes by the end of the night, especially with bartenders and waitresses, I have usually told them that they are the woman that I’ve been looking for all my life. We both laugh, I get great service and she gets a good tip. Everyone is happy.

Flirting with all these women helps boost your self-confidence. It is a testing ground of sorts for being comfortable in your approach. It’s fairly easy since you are not asking anyone out so the pressure is off. You are worry free from the stress of whether or not she will say yea or nay. All you are doing is flirting. So start practicing. Think about when people flirt with you. Think of some great flirting memories and compare them to the futile flirting attempts that someone has even tried with you. I’m sure you’ll laugh at some of the corny lines you’ve been dished.

With that being said, always remember that just because a woman has responded to your flirt DOES NOT necessarily mean she’s interested. Remember women tend to be polite. They may just laugh it off or just smile. So that’s why I say..just practice for now. Eventually you will start picking up the obvious Sherlock Holmes clues that she is interested in you.

Your homework for this week is to go out there and flirt your butt off. Don’t flirt at work because you don’t want a lawsuit on your hands. Flirt anywhere else. If you have to think twice about flirting with a particular woman, ABORT MISSION..ABORT..MISSION. Go with your gut feeling. For example, flirting with your kid’s teacher is an example of a mission you should abort. Now that I’ve given you the fine print in a not so fine 11 Calibri font, don’t just stand there…GO!

Dating sucks!

I'm a 30 something single Latina whose knee deep in the dating game. Dating sucks. You would think that me being a woman would be easier dating other women would be easier. Hell to the NO! Women are such complicated creatures. I totally understand why men and women click. Men just can't be bothered with their crap so they either turn on to a game on the tv or toss money their way to go shopping. Problem solved.
The problem is that since I am woman, it isn't that easy. I want to be understanding, patient, caring and loving.
Pathetic.
I need some testosterone, but without it giving me facial hair. Actually I just need balls. Big giant balls. These women can eat you up alive. Dating is like walking into the dragon's lair without a sword. It is brutal. I've been dating on and off for about a year and a half. I'm so over it. If it wasn't for the fact that I have a high sexual drive, I would become asexual. Let the games begin.